MOTHER’S MILK : “Parents know best,” Britain’s next prime minister told us today in an exclusive, and entirely imagined interview.
“Parents know best,” she repeated, just in case we didn’t catch it the first time.
”Especially the homophobes and the anti-vaxers,” she added, in a blatant play to the Conservative party base, “If we don’t encourage parents to feel comfortable teaching whatever anti-science, regressive shit they want in the home, and especially at ‘free’ schools, then it’s tricky to see who will vote for us in ten years time?”
The plea for the bigot vote is an important one in a leadership contest that will play hard to the lowest common denominators.
”Boris is going to just slam dunk the racist vote,” Britain’s next PM noted, “Rory has the stoners and wasters all wrapped up. Malthouse has the milkshake vote. Sajid has the anti-commie, anti-revolutionary, anti-insurgency vote. Michael Gove has goat headed men in the bag. I’m after the religious bigots, and if I can stretch it far enough, the pro-measles campaigners.”
It’s a smart play. With the regressive nature of Brexit encouraging anyone who wants to live in the 19th century to come out and play in the open, it’s an electorate that needs tagging.
”I want to imagine a Briton where mothers rock their babes in arms, while sat in their grandmother’s rocking chair, and father paces back and forth expousing the danger of perverse sexuality.”
Traditional values.
”A society so stripped of support networks and welfare structure that teenage girls from poor families are encouraged to go on the game, all the while hating their sinful bodies, but loving the vibrant rash patterns on their bodies. If we all pull together anything is possible.”
We wish her well. In the race to the bottom to win the premiership, she’s in pole position.