BACKDOOR CHANNELING: “We have more that unites us, then divides us, at least on Brexit,” Tory leadership hopeful, Mr Hoarse Shu (MP for Little Con) told a rapt media scrum today as he announced the beginning of negotiations between the Labour Party and the Conservatives.
”We both wish to respect the will of the people from 2016. We both are allergic to any reconsideration of that advisory decision. Not the proven lawbreaking, the broken promises, the foreign meddling, the loss of international standing and influence or the mass cull of jobs and investment, or even the clear and present danger of encouraging far right politics is enough to dissuade us. We have united behind Brexit, an once we get the formula right, the country will too.”
The talks are planned to run alongside the Tory leadership contest in the hope of having the conditions for coalition government agreed by the time a new leader of the Conservatives is chosen some time in September.
”As both of our parties have made clear, recent election results speak of the overwhelming desire of the British people to unite behind a Brexit that works for everybody. Both the asset strippers that fund it and the ordinary blue collar workers losing their jobs hand over fist as a result of it. It’s amazing how an ideologically divide traditionally so wide can be bridged if you both bend in towards one another.”
It’s believed the talks won’t only focus on the solution to Brexit, but on the future of the United Kingdom, and specifically England.
”Even this morning we have agreed that in the unlikely event that Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland choose different paths post Brexit, England will still need strong and stable government. To this end we have agreed a partition along the Watford line. North of Watford will be governed by Labour and south by ourselves. We just need to work out where to run the line through Watford to make the division work.”
They have bent their wills to making Brexit work. Now you must too.
”If we just push hard enough we will deliver a Brexit that works for all. And if you don’t like it you can F off and vote Green, Plaid, SNP or Libdem. Thank you.”