FINE PRINT : The Brexit Party has hit back today at claims it’s not a party and it doesn’t have a manifesto, and as such is just a racket.
”We are not a racket or any other type of sporting equipment and we do have a manifesto you traitor,” Joseph Gobbles, BP policy consultant, told LCD Views, “and we don’t need to be a party because we’re a limited company.”
So what’s on the manifesto? Out means out, what don’t you understand? Is that it?
”You think you’re so clever with your words, words, words,” Mr Gobbles hit back back, “but myself and Doctor Mangler have actually already written down two policies.”
And they are?
”An annual Wicker Man festival to celebrate being English in the 21st Century, with compulsory attendance by all patriots, whether you fetishise hard right, authoritarianisms or not.”
Thats one.
”And the immediate and total ban of the public sale of milkshakes.”
That’s two. Do you want help adding a couple more?
”What have you got?”
The immediate revision of history books to prove we won the war, without assistance, and we will do it again if we have to.
”Excellent. And what else?”
The establishment of a ‘Brexit Party Youth Corp’ to replace traditional schooling and ensure a focus on patriotism from an early age.
”That’s five! That pretty much nails it. I thought you were going to be a saboteur, traitor, unpatriotic, EU tyranny loving fifth columnist who I’d have to shout ‘well go and live in the EU if you love it so much!’ at, but here we are, five full manifesto commitments! Job done.”
It’s only four.
”Excuse me?”
Two plus two equals four.
”Not in Brexitannia it doesn’t! Now go and get ready for the book burning to celebrate completing our manifesto. If you don’t have a Saint George flag tattooed on your face by lunch time we’ll know where your loyalties lie.”