U.K. SCRAP PLC : A con man who specialises in selling London Bridge to idiots is to spend the rest of the year selling the bridge in Brexit Party MEP constituencies.
”Would you like some snake oil with your famous bridge?” Nigel Widdecombe-Johnson III asks us, “only an additional £9,999 per thousand litre tube?”
The snake oil is additional?
”There’s no free lunch in this life son. Man’s got to work for a living. I’ve a wife and family to feed and my sister in law is hard on her luck as a result of her husband, a good man, having prematurely donated his brain to medical science. But I tell you what I’ll do for you, you put some cash down today, on the nail, and I’ll deliver London Bridge for free? How does that sound?”
Wow, that’s some customer service right there.
”A lot of people are put off buying famous London landmarks by the congestion charge, but we here at ‘London Bridges 4 U’ won’t stand for our loyal customers being inconvenienced.”
But won’t the government have something to say about my buying London Bridge?
”No sirree! I’m selling the bridge on behalf of the government. You see the people have decided to replace the bridge with a trampoline. It’s all got to go!”
So how soon can you deliver?
”Just as soon as you walk into that ballot box and tick Brexit Party for your MEP. That’s the down payment, the rest you can pay later in installments. Say, do you have a family?”
Why yes, two children currently at university.
”Too clever by half I guess. Don’t understand what you went through In WW2? Well, they’ll be mighty impressed when you show them their old dad has bought a famous bridge! That’ll teach them a thing or two.”