NO STONE LEFT UNTURNED: The United Kingdom has informed the world’s media today that it is to try not having a prime minister as that’s probably better.
”Just for a while,” an exhausted looking UK said, “to see how it pans out. It can’t be worse? Right?”
It probably can’t. Reflecting on the unending mismanagement and all round shitshow the U.K. has descended into under subsequent prime ministers, Angela Merkel threw her support behind the idea.
”It would give everyone a break?” she shrugged, “I don’t think I’ll be rushing to answer the phone if you do have another one anytime soon. Maybe I could stop by on weekends? You know, look in, make sure you’re getting along alright.”
But the decision to be rudderless has its critics, even though it is in many ways just the status quo. Namely all of the Conservative MPs who are all declaring themselves for the job.
”That’s exactly why I’m doing it,” the U.K. said, “seriously? Just F off and let me get my breath back before you start up again.”
The UK explained its decision doesn’t stop the Tories having their leadership contest, just whoever wins won’t become PM as expected.
”It’s going to be weeks now of complete and utter cretins all over the BBC ranting no deal WTO Brexit is not a problem, we’ll pull the trigger on October 31st if we have to. Winter is a great time for food and fuel shortages anyway. I think we can all do without that, can’t we?”
But what about choosing a PM from a different Westminster party?
”Look, it’s the law of diminishing returns right now and I’m done with it. Check back in a year or two and I’ll tell you if I’m ready to start repeatedly punching myself in the face again? Alright.”