WHAT DREAMS MAY COME : Theresa May has moved to outmanoeuvre Conservative Party colleagues today, seeking to dislodge her from 10 Downing Street, with a unilateral declaration of the independence of 10 Downing Street from the United Kingdom.
“She’s going to govern as President for Life now,” a General, recently promoted, told LCD Views, “there are no plans to call elections, as they just get in the way of democracy.”
The return of sovereignty to 10 Downing Street has long been thought to be the former prime minister’s best chance of keeping her job forever.
“They didn’t see this coming,” the aide explained, “the muppets. All so busy with Tory power stances for photoshoots, it never occurred to them to seize control of Downing Street while it was still a possibility.”
How the parliament of the United Kingdom will respond to the secession of one door, on one street of the country’s capital is not yet clear.
“The UK’s government has no cause to worry about the intentions of the new People’s Democratic Republic of 10 Downing Street,” the aide added, “we have no plans, yet, for further territorial claims. And we will be offering the United Kingdom a full and comprehensive free trade deal.”
Negotiations for the trade deal are expected to get underway as soon as Westminster has chosen a new prime minister and established a ministry for it.
“The People’s Democratic Republic of 10 Downing Street is sure we can achieve a close and mutually beneficial relationship with the United Kingdom, enjoying the same benefits as before, while now being free to trade with the world.”
In this case the exact same benefits is thought to mean food, water, medicines and toilet paper, the loss of certainty over the supply of being the cause of a reluctance to trigger a No Deal Brexit in May’s previous job.
“If she starves inside Downing Street it will the fault of the United Kingdom. The should attempt to bully us. We’re Global Mayism. Mayism means Mayism and we’re going to make a success of it. And be sure to pick up a Mayan Calendar as you exit via the gift shop.”