GLOBAL BRITONS! GET YOUR MAPS OUT AND YOUR MARKER PENS BECAUSE AUSTRIA HAS JOINED SWITZERLAND ON THE LIST OF COUNTRIES THAT DO NOT EXIST.
10 Downing Street has reacted swiftly today to the news that the Austrian Chancellor has ordered elections, because elected politicians are suspected of being corrupted by foreign interference.
https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/world-europe-48320983
“We have lately been receiving queries regarding a non-existent country’s decision to have a fresh ballot because of suspected Russian interference in the electoral process. This has no application in the United Kingdom because the Austria does not exist and we can learn nothing there. So let’s have no more talk about it. Our country is united behind the result of a our rigorously conceived and administered plebiscite in 2016 and all now want the result, whatever it was, delivered.”
But while the stance from our country’s seat of power is adamant that the country concerned does not exist, behind closed doors there are whispers that this is not true and we should extend the hand of friendship and ask for advice.
“John Humphry’s could give them classes on how to handle votes with suspected foreign interference,” an insider told LCD Views, “Rory Stewart could assist as John’s TA. He could tell the Austrians that you just make up the numbers you want to support whatever argument, or outcome, you desire and ignore the foreign cash. This could be done with a series of slides while John shouts BUT THE PEOPLE HAVE DECIDED at the Austrians. It’s pretty straightforward. They’re a small country. It’s no surprise they’ve gotten confused. The mother of parliaments should help out.”
It’s believed cross party talks have now started in secret on how to handle the matter, in case too many people in the UK start not only believing that Austria does exist, but that also we should heed their way of dealing with political corruption, because they do a lot of it.
“Labour aren’t confirming they are talking to Downing Street about how to help out with this, but I have heard that if they are, they are insistent that an election should both be held and not held in the face of foreign interference.”
We at LCD Views say good luck to the Austrians! Even though you don’t exist! And hope we can learn non-existent lessons from your non-existent existence. Thank you.