THREE WISE MONKEYS : Labour’s next leader, John McDonnell, took to Twitter today to announce he is to begin talks with the Tories to form a coalition government after ‘getting it’ about local election results.
”We get it, we really do,” John told a confused nation just looking for clarity, “Labour losing seats yesterday, while the party of government also lost seats, additionally UKIP losing seats, while the pro-Remain parties picked up loads of seats, is a clear message that traditional Labour voters want us to help the Tories deliver Brexit, now more than ever.”
The reassurance from John, and Labour’s prize idiot, Bazza, that they are doing all they can to save Brexit, will be applauded most loudly by Laura Kuenssberg, among others.
”Our voters aren’t draining away like air out of a punctured beach ball because we’re a pro-Brexit party in talks with the Tories,” John reiterated, “they’re failing to flock to us in the face of the most vicious and incompetent, hard right serving government, because we’re not moving fast enough to strip them of FOM and other valuable rights afforded by EU membership,
”To this end we will be forming a coalition government ASAP with Theresa May to ensure we have sufficient votes in parliament to jam through whatever bullshit fudgeberg we settle on to serve the horseshoe of our ideological aims.”
The news of ever greater cooperation will be welcomed, most especially Bazza’s wonderful soundbite on the tele last night as he attempted to spin Labour’s failure to be an opposition.
”For anyone who’s been told by a keen Labour activist to fuck off and vote Tory, or labelled a fibdem, or blamed for rising homelessness by a Corbynite for querying the leader’s support of a hard right political con job, Bazza’s little slip up will be music to the ears.”
In order to cement the authority of the new coalition government an election will not be held, because both dinosaur lead parties are fully aware no one will vote for it. And besides, the people had a vote, years ago.