LCD Views has started preparing for the London Marathon, to be run (by everyone) this year on Sunday April 28th (Crickey! That soon? We better get into serious training!). We’ve done this by speaking to a woman who says she’s trained for marathons, sprints, and for extended terrified bouts of doing sod all, and can tell us how it’s done.
“I’ve really been training for this all my life,” she told us, dressed in multi-coloured running shorts and shoulder padded business jacket, “right from the moment when I attended church services as a child and I thought, how best can I punish the poor people? And why do people look at me funny? How can I make everybody go away? Just like Jesus did.”
And is carrying around a container ship’s anchor chain on your neck part of the strengthening for long distance running?
“No. That’s to distract the eyes of observers so they don’t observe me too closely and learn my secrets. I’d probably improve my time if I swapped it for something lighter, like a frigate’s anchor.”
So tell us how you’ve prepared specifically for this year’s marathon event?
“I’ve been running back and forth constantly between 10 Downing Street and Brussels. I’m good to go. I’m getting faster each time.”
But you haven’t run to Brussels for a couple of weeks now? Are you worried about loss of form?
“What form?”
Good question. So the downtime is just recovery before the next marathon?
“Oh, I’m still training. A serious team captain never really stops working out. I’ve just spent a week running away from the other members of my team all over Wales.”
Theresa May, good luck for Sunday. Have you any words of inspiration for the other runners taking part?
“Marathon means marathon and we’re going to make a slog of it.”