Brexit is driving business away. Morgan, the epitome of British eccentricity on four wheels, is moving its base of operations to Germany, along with both employees and the company dog.
Brexit advocates claiming the haemorrhage of motor manufacturers is down to reduced demand for diesels are clutching at straws. It’s all a load of hot airbags.
The loss of Morgan could not have come at a worse time. The economy is (fuel) tanking, and Britain is closing down.
Morgan boss Morgan le Fay explained the situation. “We have been based in Camelot, like, forever,” she stated. “But our market is worldwide these days, and we can’t wait for Jacob Rees-Fucking-Mogg or whoever to build a wall around the country’s wealth before we consider the impact. I call it thinking outside the gearbox.”
What we don’t understand is, why go to Germany of all places.
“Want me to spell it out for you?” demanded le Fay, waving her wand in a threatening manner. “They are the best engineers in the world. I am tyred of arrogant, untalented Brits who need to get a grip.”
You could go to Ireland?
“I suppose we have the green credentials,” mused le Fay. “But we don’t like the backstop. We call it a handbrake.”
After all other options had been exhausted, Morgan is opting for Germany. “A real advantage is that our best customers are relocating from Britain to the EU,” explained le Fay. “The smart money is getting away from Brexit, so the smart cars are leaving too.”
But it’s a rocky road. Some promising trade deals have stalled, and others never got out of first gear. For example, le Fay pointed the finger at her reckless nephew, Sir Gawain Williamson. Sir Gawain, despite his heroism, recently blew a head gasket by destroying a potential deal with Japan by calling them ‘slant-eyed Nips’.
Not such a big wheel after all.