LCD Views can report this afternoon that according to Twitter hundreds of second home owners are to sit a simple IQ test in Westminster this evening.
”And hundreds are expected to fail,” our College Green correspondent reports, “up to 650 men, women and children will take part in the mass test tonight in an old building that is such a fire hazard many are also surprised it hasn’t burnt to the ground, what with all the hot air it holds.”
And there will be a lot of hot air this evening in preparation for the IQ test.
”Many taking part are second home owners, many are multi-millionaires, the likes of Philip Hammond (self made man who now helps other people not make it) and Jeremy Corbyn (also mostly self-made, in his own image, and estimated to be worth over £3m – more than sufficient to weather whatever Brexit does) and others are just idiots.”
The test is in the form of a basic yes/no format that you’d expect even a turtle on a fencepost could answer correctly, even though it can’t tell you how it got where it is.”
The person setting the test, a vicar’s daughter called Theresa May, has taken almost three years to write it.
”She’s done her best to get it right,” our correspondent observes, “the question is basically will you allow me to continue governing you so I can keep making foreigners feel deeply unwelcome and persecute them to my heart’s content?”
Enough people fail the IQ test and answer yes and watch out! The go home vans will be back on the streets.
But enough pass the test and say no, more than those who fail, and the vicar’s daughter could soon be seen packing her bags and returning to the vicarage with her forked tail between her legs.
”After desperately trying to cling onto power for a few more weeks.”