Boris Johnson (MP for Boris Johnson) has dropped a bombshell on the House of Commons this morning after he signalled he would be tabling an amendment to the meaningful vote being held today making himself prime minister, whatever the result of the meaningful vote.
“The virtuous people of Great Britain are crying out for a leader in this time of crisis for the mother of all democracies,” Mr Johnson told LCD Views, via Skype with the sounds of an Italian market town in the background,
“and I can provide the clear sighted, 20/20 vision to see off the deep state conspiracy that threatens to make the most vulnerable in our society, the most giving, the 1%, the ubermensch, pay more taxes,” Mr Johnson added with the sounds of a much younger blonde woman giggling in the background.
The amendment itself, the Johnson, is certain to gain wide support within the house of commons.
“Everyone is crying out for a different kind of prime minister,” Mr Johnson added, with the sounds of divorce litigation rebounding off the walls of the villa he was phoning in from, “a PM who will Make Britain Great Again!”
Mr Johnson added, with the sounds of Steve Bannon writing his scripts again.
And he’s right to suspect he has a good chance of success with his amendment, with even Labour figures keen to vote for it.
“It’ll mean Jeremy doesn’t have to get off that fence post he’s been planted on for so long he’s now got a third leg,” a Labour insider told us, “anything to keep from actually having to act. Much better to endlessly strategise how we will attain utopia in the back rooms, with the sound of Lenin giving a speech playing on the gramophone,
“We need an event to save us and a big, blousy, blonde bombshell dropping a bombshell could be just the event we’re looking for!”