BOTH KNEES BENDING : Great news today for the Global Britain project with the revelation that 10 Downing Street will “stop at nothing to avoid having to take a principled stand” against the second coming of Trump.
While the wokerati of Blighty had vague hopes that new Prime Minister, and human rights lawyer, Keir Starmer would not stand for the casserole of nonsense cascading out of the White House, we have it on good authority that he will stand for it. Or, to be more precise, kneel for it.
No more so then because taking a stand would mean uniting with the 500m people across The English Channel that make up a bloc of major world democracies. And we can’t do that.
“To cement the special relationship in the modern era is no mean feat, especially given the complexities of doing that cementing when the USA has gone completely batshit insane, and increasingly lawless.”
“But we’re up to the job,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “Did you see our video yesterday of migrant removals? You can imagine that really thrilled Trump for validating his own cruelty. Our commander in chief has studied criminals his entire working life so he knows how Donald Trump ticks. He will make sure Blighty builds a wall to hide behind that will have no room for anyone else.”
How this metaphorical wall is to be built has been the focus of fevered speculation, but today we know exactly what its bricks and mortar will be made of.
“We’re throwing pound sterling into the dustbin of history,” the source reveals, “and replacing it with TrumpCoin. And for any traditionalists out there, there is nothing to worry about, the coin will still feature the head of our king. Our new one that is. D Trump.”
It is hoped such a pathetic act of fawning will encourage the roaming eye of Sauron to move on and punish the EU instead.
“Not only will replacing our currency with TrumpCoin secure our relationship with Mr Trump into his third term, it will mean a boost to our economy, as it won’t stay worthless forever. You just wait and see and while waiting, why not try bartering?”