FOR WHOM THE MILK THROWS : Great news today for Labour supporters worried about the creeping electoral death they fear is posed by Nigel Farage’s limited company, Reform. It seems Downing Street isn’t sitting back and just wishing old one nut Nigel will go away to the USA and never return.
“We take the threat posed by Nigel Farage incredibly seriously,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “It’s why we also make not betraying Brexit, regardless of the massive harm it’s doing to the country, and shouting at the sea, in spite of our founding principles, our key priorities in the endless campaigning.”
But just doing what Nigel does isn’t enough for the Prime Minister.
“Look. We are continuing to let private business bite into the NHS. We’re scaling back our green ambitions and focusing on gimmicks like carbon capture and nuclear power, to keep the mining sector happy. We dare not criticise Trump, regardless of the palpable threat he poses to the Western liberal order. We’ve even started using Reform colours on our campaign literature. But we’re not stopping there. The Tories failed because they weren’t enough like Farage. We’ve taken a lesson from that and will try even harder than the Cons.”
It seems the PM is also looking back over his shoulder at the Liberal Democrats and taking a lesson from Ed Davey.
“Davey smashed it last election with a wide and delightful array of silly stunts to get public attention. And it worked. Well Mr Starmer is up to that task too when it comes to battling Farage.”
And it seems the Great British public will sit up and take note. And it won’t be some woke nonsense like the PM agreeing to let British youth easily go to Europe.
“Tomorrow Mr Starmer will stand in Trafalgar Square and positively bathe himself in McDonald’s milkshakes. This shows he’s prepared to go even further than Farage to keep voters happy. As we all know Nigel had someone else do his dirty work.”
And the flavour?
“Well, it’s got to be brown liquid, or we wouldn’t be doing our efforts to keep power by cosying up the shittiest people in British politics any justice.”