PAY TO PLAY : Great news for citizens of liberal democracies wondering when the hell their governing parties will get to grips with the distorting influence of big money in democracies.
Speaking earlier today a leading think tank, FURS, said it was publishing an outline of the way forward.
”We can all see the corrupting influence of corporate lobbyists in our day to day lives,” Mr Moni Bags told LCD Views, “and especially damaging is the way hardworking voters feel increasingly excluded from the systems of government. The danger of extremist parties, and heads of state, is all too real.”
FURS thinks it’s time something was done to give voters back “democratic equity”.
”To address the shortfall in return for voters we suggest that all politicians, be they in government or opposition, should be accessible by everyone. This is why we are suggesting they are listed as commodities on all major stock exchanges.”
By listing the politicians small investors will be able to “speculate” on leading political lights and “pension funds and cooperatives can potentially purchase an entire seat in Parliament or a House representative.”
The London Stock Exchange is expected to be the first to trial the political commodities as a way to make up for the “slow bleed to death of Brexit”.
”Imagine the possibilities,” the spokesman says, “you don’t like chemical industry lobbyists killing your bees then just buy the relevant MPs. Work as communities to create investor funds and get stuck in.”
FURS and LCD Views would like to reassure people that this is not investment advice and no legal liability is due.
”However, say you see a billionaire attempting to buy one of your MPs in order to create a new feudalism? Well, if you’re smart you’ll get in and buy that MP while they are cheap and wait for the price to rise on the exchange once the serious money gets involved. Cash out before the peak and live easy.”