MAKE DEMOCRACY GREAT AGAIN : The world’s greatest ever President, Donald Trump, has moved to alleviate concerns that he will not peacefully relinquish power the second time around.
Clutching a tired looking pacifier, wearing a filthy bib and sitting very straight in a red, white and blue toy car Donald spoke to a handpicked boogie, and some handpicked brocasters.
”MINE! MINE! MINE!” The President-elect (probably) said in words transcribed by the chosen press core as “Nothing is more important to me than upholding the democratic traditions that have seen our great nation prosper since The War of Independence.”
The press event will do much to alleviate concerns of many Americans and their allies that having tried letting horned lunatics rampage around the capital once, he might just do it again.
”You can’t lose elections you don’t have,” an insider told LCD Views. “It’s a bit like you can’t do jail time if you’re never sentenced.”
”Clearly there is nothing more important than a smooth transition of power at the end of a presidential term. Just look at the show being put on by the Bidens. Hilariously pious. And we will definitely learn lessons from their example.”
For his part Donald has promised to do further press conferences before, and after returning to power.
“[Maybe for hours at a time. Just me to camera. The people will know I am President as I address their concerns over anything from egg prices to hair implants.]”
As to the manner of the peaceful handover of power, next time, a spokesman for the incoming administration took time out from preparing for his criminal trial to bring clarity.
”No one should believe the crank, anti-free speech brigade who say Mr Trump won’t give it up freely next time. He will. Either Donald junior or Musky will get it. Whoever wins the mud-wrestling contest to be held in 2028 in either Moscow, or Saudi Arabia. It depends who is the highest bidder.”