GOT TO BE IN IT TO WIN IT : Breaking News this evening, that we’ve made up, after an invented betting regulator confirmed that would be last Tory PM Rishi Sunak is under investigation for placing a bet on the date of the general election.
”We can confirm that Rishi Sunak is under investigation for placing a bet on being named the worst ever Prime Minister,” Mr Kno Reale told LCD Views, “as to claims he placed a bet on the date of the general election I can not comment. Although given more than one of his staffers did, the funniest thing that could happen next would be that Mr Sunak also had a flutter.”
We did not approach Mr Sunak for comment, as he has nothing worth saying on any matter whatsoever, having shown himself to be largely horseshit, but we are prepared to imagine his defence.
”I didn’t know the date I would call the GE until the moment I called it,” he could say, “as I was enjoying the feeling of power dangling the prospect over the little people gave me. So there is no way I could have known I would choose a holy day in the US calendar, a country I have no information about at all.”
How many more Tory insiders will be under the spotlight remains to be seen, unlike any credibility they have left, as they have none.
”I’m a world beating PM,” Sunak added, “now if you don’t mind I’m off to place a bet on the date I move to California. Also a complete mystery.”