THEY DON’T LIKE IT UP ‘EM: Priapic prior PM Boris Johnson is on his usual good form. He only hears what he wants to hear, and the word ‘election’ isn’t quite to his taste.
When it comes to a choice of taking the red pill or the blue pill, there is only one choice for Johnson. Who needs reality when you have viagra?
One man who has become rich off the back of Johnson’s urges is pill pusher Willie Hardern. “Yeah, Boris has always been a great customer,” said Hardern, supervising while several pallets of tablets were loaded into an unmarked van. “That’s his latest order on the way now, it’s double his usual monthly prescription. I wonder what’s going on this time?”
Is it the general election?
“Ah, yes, he did say something like that,” said Hardern. “He did say he had to make a principled stand.”
I didn’t think that Johnson had any principles whatsoever.
“That’s not true!” insisted Hardern. “He does have one. The self-serving principle.”
The principal principle.
“Exactly.,” said Hardern “Now he also said he wanted to run something up the flagpole.”
I wonder what that could have been.
“He ended by shouting ‘I’m backing Britain!’ At least, I think he said ‘backing’.”
Never let it be said that Boris Johnsons is dicking about. He will always stand up for Britain, or at least for himself.
And presumably Carrie will bear the brunt of his patriotism? “Carrie who?” said Johnson’s minder, Tim Tamms. “Oh, the wife? I’d forgotten about her. Boris moved on months ago. I can’t remember who the current one is, but she’s blonde and pretty. As usual. There have been so many. And they all look alike. Oh look, here’s the shipment of viagra. Looks like the girls will be working a double shift this month.”
It’s an almighty cock-up.