MODERN BRITISH CUISINE : Awe inspiring news this morning to warm the cockles of the fearless race that tirelessly inhabits the sodden lump of turf off the coast of France.
While the Gauls languish in the prison of their staid and unchanging cuisine, as if sentenced by a just food deity, the Brits are doing something else entirely.
”While the Iberians sleep through the dank days on the peninsula bemoaning their fate, as if they could turn back time and be conquered by a British armada, we here in Blighty are now free of EU red tape that prevented us from enjoying the full range of forageable produce our blessed island enjoys,” Business Secretary and grade one idiot Bad Enoch informed the country.
When pressed to list the expanded range of consumables ONLY ENJOYED BY SOVEREIGN BRITS she said, “Concrete. Especially pavements. You can also now fish in potholes.”
It’s not yet clear how the listless Italians on their boot will take the news, trapped as they are in their homes doomed for eternity to eat only flour mixed with water.
”We can only hope they learn from our example,” Bad Enoch shrugged. The only thing she’s ever been right about.
Bon apetit.