EVEN BIGGER SOCIETY : The architect of the current state of the United Kingdom, Lord David Cameron of Boy Wonder, is rumoured to be in advanced talks to join Labour.
”He’s privately very panicked,” a source claiming to be close to the Lord told LCD Views, “if Rishi ever calls that GE it’s curtains. And I don’t mean merely a new refurb of 10 Downing Street.”
The big feelings in Big Dave are said to be based on the terror of becoming unemployed.
”Clearly balancing the budget, if subject to managed decline, won’t be an issue for the Lord. Only people foolish enough to be born poor have to fret over that. Wealthy people like the Lord don’t know how much they have because their finances are sensibly managed.”
What is the concern then?
”He’s worried he’ll be sent packing, well his staff will do the packing, anyway, sent back to the cavernous Shepherd’s Hut Shed with Sam banging on about what colour to repaint it and nagging him to talk to his personal stylist. It’s just so soul crushingly dull. He’ll die of boredom. But swanning around the globe at taxpayers expense being greeted like royalty due to his accent? That’s a life well lived.”
But would Labour countenance such a defection?
”Don’t be daft,” our source replied, “they’re still pledging to Make Brexit Work even though Brexit is about as workable as a nostalgia and class driven so called representative democracy with a birthright based and democratically unaccountable Head of State in the 21st Century when London is the world’s laundromat and social media tycoons provide the majority of people’s information via algorithms designed to manipulate their every thought. Of course they’ll do it. Without a second thought.”