WHATEVER YOU WANT: Sub-Prime Minister Rishi Sunak is bucking the Status Quo. In his desperate wish to be a popular populist, he is trying to gain popularity amongst the population properly. But is he a Matchstick Man or a straw man?
“I’m listening to the electorate,” said Sunak in his keynote speech at one of the private, opaquely-funded far-right Tufton Street think-tanks. “Look!” He covered his little ears with his little hands. “La la la!” he said happily.
The right wing media gobbled up this nonsense happily and reported it as fact.
“I’m not only listening, but I’m looking as well!” he continued. Sunak put on a pair of dark glasses and pretended not to notice questions coming from allegedly competent journalists.
“All you need to do is to tell me what you’re proposing,” Sunak said. “I’m a public servant, I’m YOUR public servant, ready to enact the Will Of The People.”
We all remember how well that went last time.
“You can trust me, just look at how I’ve delivered on my promises!” he boasted. “You said you wanted me to stop the boats, and that’s going really well. We are disposing of the surplus population one by one, to Rwanda. Outsourcing the problem always works. The paper tiger is sending them away on a paper plane!”
It’s possible that the AI bot which writes Sunak’s speeches needs to recalibrate its analogy filter.
“So just talk to me,” he said. “No, not you!” he snarled at one of the woke leftists who had attended on the pretext of ‘writing for a newspaper’ and raised his hand to ask a question. “I’m here, ready to roll over lay down for you, the Great British Public. Simply say ‘Brexit’ three times and cross your fingers, and it will happen.”
“Are you going to call a general election? That’s what the people want!” yelled the woke leftist desperately, as Sunak’s goons dragged his sorry arse out of the door to deposit him on the Tufton Street pavement.
“No,” replied Sunak.
He’s going down, down, deeper and down.