DAY IN AND DAY OUT : THE UK’S OUTGOING PRIME MINISTER, RISHI “THE HAMMER” SUNAK, HAS RELEASED TOUCHING, PERSONAL PHOTOS OF HOW HE WORKS ON THE UK’S BIGGEST PROBLEMS.
The photos are all in a classy black and white, chosen not only for the artistic panache that brings, but to symbolise the old world ideas to class and international relations his government engenders.
“We wanted the Great British public to see Rishi how he works,” a 10 Downing Street spokesman told LCD Views. “We want people to see the authentic Sunak, not the vulture capitalist that it’s too easy to mistake him for. Your priorities are his priorities. Most notably, your bank account.”
The series of images do display an impressive athletic side to the pint sized dynamo PM that many would not have suspected.
“It’s not all just trying to work out how to be meaner to vulnerable groups to please Daily Mail gobshites,” the spokesman informs, “it’s not just about imagining what does Nigel Farage really want? And then making it policy without any care for the unintended, and often intended, consequences. No, a lot of time is spent quietly contemplating what’s inside the man himself and how that could be used as inspiration for governance.”
Early views of the photos do seem to have raised an appreciative eyebrow or two.
“I thought here he was, Dishy, just emulating the cackhanded efforts of the other Tory PMs since 2010. You know, telling the electorate you’re going to be cruel and then setting about doing it, while personally enriching yourself. But it seems there is more to it,” one voter commented, “he’s not just a man of metaphor old Fishy, when people say he’s got his head up his arse, they actually mean it!”
The PM’s posture is, without any doubt, not only a classic Tory power stance, but the explanation for all of the UK’s problems. Just good luck if you’re waiting on him for any answers.