IF HIS LIPS ARE MOVING : WORLD LEADING GREAT BRITISH PRIME MINISTER, and part time politician, Rishi “The Hammer” Sunak, has allegedly denied fresh claims he did not attend COP28 in person.
Rumours the UK Prime Minister was not personally at the COP28 summit appear to have begun after a Politico journalist noted he spent such a trivial amount of time there if was like he didn’t even show up at all.
“It’s nonsense,” a 10 Downing Street spokesman told LCD Views, “the prime minister definitely seemed to be there. At least as long as it takes to get a few photos for social media. I mean, there was a peevish looking guy that looked like Sunak. Didn’t you see him? Pursed lips? Standing on his tippy toes? If you’re not careful we’ll pass a law saying it’s illegal to question whether or not he was there.”
The response from the Palace, we mean 10 Downing Street, will not satisfy all of Mr Sunak’s detractors though, as an AI generated image of an absence at the summit only ever showed Mr Sunak dancing on a burning rainforest, in spite of how many times the image was generated.
“Look, you really don’t understand how Global Britain is governed,” a supporter of the PM commented, “how long does it take to meet representatives of the fossil fuel industry in back corridors? Bugger all time, that’s how long. Just long enough to shake hands and laugh over the expansion of fossil fuels in the UK. Then it’s back on the jet and home to ensure no one has found Rishi’s mobile phone and handed it over to the Covid Inquiry.”
Other voices have suggested that even criticising the PM’s green cred on risks new laws carrying lengthy goal time.
“Be grateful we didn’t send 30p Lee to represent the UK,” 10 Downing Street added. “Or Boris Johnson, or Liz Truss, or Matt Hancock, or Oliver Dowden, or Jeremy Hunt, or Grant Shapps, or Lord Cameron. Oh.”