Perception Is King : There’s no barriers to what you can achieve if you perceive no barriers to what you want to achieve. The United Kingdom’s permanent Prime Minister, Rishi “I can comb my own hair” Sunak, is a living embodiment of the wisdom of this.
“We’re all breathing a sigh of relief at CCHQ, I can tell you,” a source inside the ruling party headquarters told LCD Views. “All those ghastly polling projections of a massive defeat at the next GE have turned out to be completely false. Just wishful thinking on Labour’s part. While Starmer is busy ruining the economy of the future, Sunak is spending his time ensuring that can’t happen. It’s what the British people want.”
The decision to pass a law stating that Sunak won the next General Election will be seen, it is hoped, as more proof that Sunak is indeed the change prime minister the UK has been searching for. A beautiful butterfly.
“It wasn’t much of a leap for the PM,” the source continues. “Whatever mess he creates he just buys a solution to it. He just has to believe he can solve it and he does. So, how to solve the problem of losing a future general election? Just believe you’ve won it and make it so. In. Law. After all, it’s how Rwanda instantly became the refugee paradise Sunak always claimed it to be, in spite of the naysayers. It didn’t even cost Sunak anything. Not even political credibility. Which is just as well! Now when you look at your mortgage rates or the turds bobbing in your local stream, you can be reassured the problem is in hand. And you don’t even have to bother voting accordingly. Extremely efficient. If you don’t agree we’ll just pass a law to say you do.”
A perfectly fine, modern, representative democracy. In action.
Furthermore, the new electoral law has no time limit, so it is open for Sunak to win as many future general elections as he pleases. Today.
“Some in the party are urging him to declare he has won the next five or six general elections too. Let’s stop wasting taxpayer’s hard earned money on pointless spectacles like polling booths and send it where it really belongs. Offshore. And don’t worry about it being intercepted by all those small boats, we just wire it electronically. No boat person can intercept it. Your money is in safe hands.”
Quite what the King will think about the subversion of British democracy no one will bother to find out. Because that’s the role of the UK’s head of state. To be very quiet. Very, very quiet.
“If the King does kick off we will just outlaw him. It’s not that hard to govern, really, is it? It’s just about seeing what you can get away with.”
And what of those people creating petitions demanding a general election?
“They’re happy too. They just had it.”