Sunak to agree annual number of Afghan refugees with Taliban

LOOK AT THE EYES : The United Kingdom’s world beating Prime Minister, Rishi Sunak, has taken a giant stride forward today to solve the problem of refugees crossing La Manche.

“While lesser nations go about draining their coffers to feed international welfare tourists, our Prime Minister is getting to the root and branch of the thorny bush of desperate people fleeing war and starvation, out of the naive hope that the civilised world retains some of the lessons of the first half of the 20th Century,” a 10 Downing Street spokesman told LCD Views.

While some have suggested that the perennial war, famine, disease and climate change problems require an international solution, where all countries work together, exceptional Britain is having none of it!

“We could try and work cooperatively with our enemies in Europe,” the spokesman explained, “but that would impinge on our sovereignty. We’re taking a different path. The British people have been groomed to expect us to debase and dehumanise refugees and we aren’t about to let them down.”

The plan, reportedly conceived during a daydreaming session, which happened during a fever dream, which occurred during a dose of mental diarreah, involves talking directly with the people responsible for mistreating their fellow citizens so badly they risk death to escape.

“The Taliban have shown themselves to be reasonable,” the spokesman says. “Why, they even gave girls advance warning that they weren’t to be educated. What’s more reasonable than that? I’m sure we can have a successful dialogue where we state the number of refugees we’re willing to watch drown in the Channel each year, and they arrange their end. It’s basic supply and demand.”

What number did you have in mind?

“Zero.”

So you’re going to ramp up efforts to save people from drowning?

No. You misunderstand. Zero is the number of refugees we expect to agree to save from the Taliban. It’s basic electoral politics, and I’m sure our partners in Afghanistan will agree to it.”

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