BLATHER BOT : The Conservative Party is on the defensive today, and not for underpaying nurses so severely many are forced to rely on charity to avoid starving to death.
The latest problem concerns their recently released AI chat bot. The Party has claimed it is both self-aware and sentient, but anyone encountering any of its blathering rants has dismissed this as plainly barking mad. In fact, the LA1984, doesn’t respond to any inputs or show any perceptible ability to learn anything at all.
“It does distract attention from Russian money in our party coffers though,” a Tory HQ spokesman told LCD Views. “Which was distracting attention away from the catastrophic damage austerity has done to our social fabric. Which was distracting attention from the lies we told to get our Brexit fever dream realised, which was distracting from the crime scene we turned the pandemic into, which was distracting from the fact that everything we’ve touched since returning to power has degraded to the point of being a global embarrassment.”
The spokesman paused for a moment and a spinning colour wheel appeared momentarily in their irises, before they continued.
“We really understand how to run a country, and an economy, just look at the fresh road markings in your area, the lack of trash on our streets, the fact you don’t have to wait weeks to get a GP appointment.”
Another pause as their face went blue, before colour returned.
“Oh, and the people we expect to do unpaid social work don’t have to wait so long for knee and hip replacements they need the unpaid social care themselves. Which they can give themselves. So that’s a virtuous circle right there, and one we couldn’t have achieved if we hadn’t done Brexit.”
But what are you going to do about the chat bot MP? On its first public test it was discovered fabricating an encounter with a voter, and should arguably have been switched off right there.
“Well its daily rantings distract from the sewage in our waters. Which distract from the fact we are allowing energy companies to profiteer off a war and make you all so poor. And its completely safe from being reprogrammed by input from the public, as its code is incredibly dense.”
The interview was terminated there when it became obvious we were talking to another Tory chatbot that was also incapable of self-awareness, or intelligent discourse.
What the party intends to do about their Lee Anderson chatbot is unclear though. He does push the boat out for the death penalty crowd, and once the country is fully sovereign in terms of human rights, that’ll be a whole new field to excel in. Just like Brexit.
It seems the wait for intelligence in the government will be a long one, and its likely some internet search engine will become self-aware first.