BURNING BRIGHT : THE UK’S SECOND LAST PM BEFORE CHRISTMAS, LIZ TRUSS, is expected to address the impoverishing scale of energy cost in the United Kingdom sooner or later.
“Right now our focus is on which outfits Margaret Thatcher would have worn to sing ‘Hitler Only Had One Ball’ on Tock Tick,” an insider inside the Truss power team told LCD Views. “But right after that and her Instagram drops she’ll read the synopsis of some magical thinking on heating.”
The need to pretend to give a shit over fuel poverty, faced by millions of UK homes this winter, is only growing.
“We accept it is vital the next PM distract voters from the blistering scale of unexpected profits being made by the energy companies,” the insider admitted. “It won’t be much of a honeymoon for PM Truss if people are using burning pitchforks to chase her out of 10 Downing Street and not to heat their homes.”
How to deal with the crisis is one that the outgoing Prime Minister Mr Johnson has shown little interest in.
“That’s only reasonable,” our source confirms. “Are you going to be worrying about whether or not some dreary, work shy peasants are going to die of cold this winter when you’re having it large in the Adriatic to show your traitorous MPs what you think of them and the mess you’re leaving behind?”
But there is one lifeline Ms Truss is likely to grab hold of.
“Brits have faced winter blackouts and frozen to death in the past,” the Truss insider shrugs. “Blitz Spirit got them through before. We’ll just play a little game of it. Energy execs will hoover in cash in a struggle with food retailers for your last penny and while they’re at it PM Truss can implore you to show a little bit of the grit that allowed us to defeat Germany singlehandedly in all the wars ever fought by England.”