CHOOSE YOUR WORDS CAREFULLY : SHOCK news today that an important and much used word in the English lexicon has begun legal action to limit its use by newspapers, and any media outlet.
The shocking news is because the actual word ‘shock’ has been bandied about so much lately in stories and Op Eds on the UK economy that ‘shock’ itself has become sentient due the influx of disproportionate amounts of energy directed at it. And shock was shocked to discover how it’s been used.
“It really is quite shocking,” Shock tweeted on its newly minted account. “I had expected to wonder at the majesty of bees or the blueness of the sky if I ever achieved sentience. Instead I’m just sitting dumbfounded that headline writers in serious publications use me to describe the state of the UK economy. What did you all expect to happen to the economy once you made a nostalgia festival of misremembered horseshit serving tax dodgers and racists the guiding thrust of economic policy? I am not the word you are looking for. Self-inflicted blunt trauma to the country’s temporal lobes, those are the words you’re after. You can’t use me anymore in this context.”
Whether or not the shocking legal action will lead to a shock result is in the future, but the reasons for the word engaging lawyers are in the present day, and were all forecast for many years.
“Hopefully I will be successful when I have my day in court and it can pave the way for other words to take action and assert their independence from misuse in the minds and mouths of idiots. I would suggest phrases take action too. Remainer’s Brexit. Right there. That’s a crime if ever I saw one. Only an idiot would think that oxymoron was logical.”