Boris Johnson Self-Identifies As Sleeping Dog

Self-identification is a subject that has gained a lot of media attention in the last few years, as a means for people to define their gender and sexuality, but now it seems to be getting another use as our own glorious fuhrer is getting in on the act.

Boris Johnson said last night at a press conference:

“In this age of self-identification, I wish to show the public that I understand the issues facing people who need to self-identify, and so I am making my own self-identification statement. As of now, I officially self-identify as a sleeping dog.”

When asked why, he responded simply:

“You’ve all heard the expression let sleeping dogs lie. Well I’m a sleeping dog and I’m sick of being hounded, if you’ll excuse the pun, for not telling the truth all the time.”

So it’s not just self-identification that’s getting an expanded range of use, an old proverb is having its meaning expanded too.

Already there are reports of confusion and conflict from within Johnson’s fanbase. Some feel betrayed that he has chosen to self-identify, claiming that anyone who self-identifies as anything other than a straight man or woman has something wrong with them (their exact words were too offensive to print here).

Others meanwhile are fully supportive of his statement and are now self-identifying in their turn as sleeping dogs to show that support.

It is further rumoured that a Sleeping Dog Pride group is already being formed, and seeking prime ministerial patronage.

Exactly how this form of self-identification will affect the next national census is unclear, still, the research department have a few years yet to figure it out.

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