THE ELECTION COUNTDOWN STARTS HERE: Roll out the clichés, massage the figures until they squeak, and gaslight at mark 9. Like American fast food, the results are cheap, empty, superficially attractive, and utterly lacking in substance.
Chancellor Rishi Sunak has delivered a budget to disappoint almost everyone. An inadequate tinkering with tax and NI thresholds is expected when the economy is ticking over nicely. However, when the economy is about to go tits up like an enthusiastic tart, it’s like trying to stop the tide coming in using a bucket and spade.
But it’s all about good housekeeping. “My hands are tied,” claimed Sunak, gesticulating mildly. “I can’t create money out of thin air. Well, actually, I can, but I won’t, because that would mean raising taxes, which I refuse to do, even though I’ve just done it.”
Tory logic at its finest. Sunak will clearly go a long way.
“There simply isn’t enough cash in the system to pay for the profiteering we have sanctioned,” Sunak continued. “International pressures have forced us to sanction some of our own personal income streams, and I had to write off billions of pounds worth of covid loans because otherwise the recipients would have kicked off. So, you see, there’s nothing left in the kitty.”
Yet still he peddles the old line about being trustworthy with the public purse.
‘You can trust the Conservatives to look after taxpayers’ money in their offshore accounts,” Sunak claimed triumphantly. “Look, countless billions, safely stashed away, gaining interest, and safely out of the reach of HMRC! The Exchequer is out there, resting in a million untraceable accounts! It warms the cockles, and earns just enough to cover my gas bill.”
OK, but what about the rest of us, whose hard work created that stash?
“Not my responsibility,” he claimed. “If you can’t get by, get another job, choose better parents, or marry a rich girl. Just like me!”
He grinned toothily, and observers could have sworn that there was a little ‘ping’ that accompanied the glinting teeth.