UC rule change means PM has just weeks to find work as clown after leaving Downing Street

SEND IN THE CLOWN : OUTGOING British Prime Minister Boris Johnson is rumoured to have applied for the job of court jester at Buckingham Palace in an attempt to get ahead of his widely anticipated career change.

The move by Mr Johnson blows a whole through criticisms that he is unable to forecast or understand the consequences of his actions, and is in response to the coming changes to Universal Credit. The reduction of the time allowed to seek work in your chosen profession (before losing what little money is provided) from three months to four weeks, is expected to hit not only the PM but many Tory MPs hard.

Court Jesters were banished from court under the kingship of Charles I who was also unable to understand the point of a parliament or a jester. Some would say though that Mr Johnson needs a straight talking, honest individual nearby in a desperate attempt to make him see his job is not to be a clown, but to be a prime minister. But some say a lot of things.

“No one should be concerned that Mr Johnson will find himself working on a soft fruit farm or driving a lorry. The UC changes are to punish the hardworking British citizen for allowing Brexit to happen in the first place. And at any rate, one more year of Brexit and farming will have successfully concluded within the UK,” a source inside the Government told LCD Views.

“Mr Johnson could in theory find himself picking raspberries and living in a draughty caravan on a moor. They could even make a reality TV series about it called ‘Britain’s Last Farm’, but it’s unlikely he would do any work so it would be pointless. It’s best too for the collapse of UK food security to happen out of the headlines and off the screens. The morale of the country is more important. Happily for the PM he can likely continue as is, just at a different ancient address.”

Suggestions that the changes to the Universal Credit conditions are a direct result of telling millions of EU citizens to fuck off, with zero preparation for the fallout or to face the karmic avalanche that would follow, have been dismissed out of hand by insane people who still love Brexit.

“There’s plenty of people just laying about the UK doing nothing and receiving public money,” one critic hit back. “Just look at Jacob Rees-mogg and how he conducts himself in Parliament.”

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