TAKE THAT EU : Brussels is said to be “reeling” today as the MIGHTY BRITISH LION took another decisive sovereign step away from the OVERARCHING NANNY STATE ACROSS THE english CHANNEL.
From midday today all British pubs must again put out bowls of peanuts for customers to take hand fulls of as the RED TAPE that demanded hygienic packaging of nuts, crisps and another nibbles was TORN UP by the conquering talons of the free British people. It is just the latest Brexit win and cashews are also included.
The traditional British bowl of nuts vanished from the landscape some years back after the NANNY STATE OF FROWNING EUROCRATS banished bowls. What was done under the pretence of health and safety was of course just another SHACKLE to bind down the UNCONQUERABLE BRIT.
“Like Gulliver releasing himself from the grip of the little people in Lilliput Global Britons can now grab handfuls of free nuts on the way into or out of the toilet of their favourite boozer or restaurant,” 10 Downing Street lauded the victory to a stunned world.
The FREEDOM TO EAT PISS COVERED NUTS ranks alongside the return of the Crown symbol to pint glasses.
“We will next be outlawing refrigeration of bottled beverages and pints on tap,” the government reassured. “No longer will Brussels take the fun out of British cuisine and leisure time. The stale, warm pint of ale will soon be the only available drink on tap.”
Sources in Brussels say that they are bereft and terrified of what Boris Johnson’s victorious band of liberators will do next.
“No gain for the EU of British industry, jobs, finance sector, science and innovation, education as a result of Brexit can make up for what unchained Britannia is doing to its pubs,” a Brussels source said. “The EU is stuffed. It’ll be begging the UK to allow it to join the UK before long. It’s just a matter of time.”