HO HO HO : Outgoing British Prime Minister Boris Johnson is reported to be ready to “make amends” to the country for parties that happened at 10 Downing Street last Christmas while the country’s plebs were ravaged by an out of control pandemic.
“He’s going to dig deep into his dressing up box and find a seasonal outfit,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “He’s going in further than ever before. He’s going right to the bottom of the barrel and he’s going to scrape it until he comes up as Father Christmas.”
The decision to dress seasonally will be a surprise to the country as he normally just “blindfolds himself and picks out an outfit at random”. This time he’s actually thought about what to wear rather than “surprise himself and have aides sort out the details of a walkabout”.
A mass of photographers will be on hand as Mr Johnson emerges ruddy cheeked from the doors of 10 Downing Street with a big white beard “hastily stuck on and hanging half off his chin for the amusement of onlookers”.
“He will go on a national tour and give something special to everyone,” the aide beams. “If you haven’t had the virus yet you will after a visit from the PM!”
The visit will start at the nation’s primary schools so children can “take that little something special home to their parents”.
“No one knows what variant they’ll get from the Prime Minister which is what makes this Christmas so special.”
Critics have rounded on the decision though and decried the lack of novelty.
“There’s nothing new happening here,” one said. “He dresses up as a twat daily anyway and the pandemic policy is to let it rip until everyone in the country catches it. What difference does it make if he dresses up as Father Christmas?”
Downing Street has dismissed the criticism though and said the PM will “shake hands with everybody until they’re too sick to do anything about it.”