NICE WORK IF YOU CAN GET IT : STUNNING STATISTICS TODAY FROM THE DEPARTMENT FOR WORK AND PENSIONS, FOLLOWING A FREEDOM REQUEST BY AN ANONYMOUS SOURCE.
The Source is said to have become concerned that Tory MPs were working too hard and many at risk of exhaustion. The concern resulted from the clearly baffled and disorientated interviews given by Tory meat shields of late.
“I figured it’s exhaustion,” the Source told LCD Views. “There’s a lot of problems facing the UK due solely to global supply chain issues and I figured the poor buggers never get a moments rest.”
But the Source discovered the opposite when they received the requested information.
“Most of them are officially listed as unemployed due to not working enough hours each week to qualify as being in employment,” the source explains. “Due to a quirk in our parliamentary system they still get paid. This leads to a lot of confusion. Most members of the public blithely assume their animated blue rosettes are working for their constituencies. This is most definitely not the case. MPs are too busy seeking additional means of income to focus on what is in theory their job.”
The misunderstanding has been made worse by Tory MPs reportedly having numerous jobs at the same time.
“None of them work an hour a week in any of the jobs,” the source says. “In spite of being paid tens of thousands of pounds per year. There’s a real fear that if a way is found to automate handing over a book of government contacts then the MPs will be entirely redundant. The system needs reform. They should be able to add all the hours they spend as lobbyists together and then they’ll be spared the shame of being listed as unemployed.”
In the interim the MPs are advised to apply for Universal Credit.
“You may as well get what you can,” the source shrugs. “How they’re expected to make ends meet on just £82K a year, with benefits, expenses and pension, is beyond me. Have you seen the rate of inflation lately!”