BREAKING: Cost of a peerage reduced to only £3m thanks to Brexit

LORDING IT OVER US: Another Brexit benefit has been discovered. Thanks to the reduction in EU red tape, the price of a seat in the House of Lords has been reduced to a cut-price £3m.

Those who say this devalues the peerage have been denounced as jealous moaning woke snowflakes, by people who also insist on civility in public life. 

“You don’t get something for nothing,” chided Justin Uffter-Livon, Number Ten’s special advisor on frequent parliamentary pay rises. “As we all know, the basic, and I use the word advisedly, salary for an MP is barely sufficient for sustaining the bare essentials.” 

That’s another issue. How can political influence be a commodity to be bought and sold in a modern democracy? 

“It is a reward for blameless and selfless work on behalf of the Conservative Party,” said Uffter-Livon. “And now, thanks to the elimination of EU red tape, we have removed any lefty obligations to demonstrate any kind of public service. This means that we can now deliver democracy at a very reasonable price!” 

Is interesting that “only” £3m is described as “very reasonable”. It is a price way beyond the means of most people. 

“I dispute that,” said Uffter-Livon. “In fact, there must be a device to ensure that the hoi polloi, the riff raff, the great unwashed, never threaten the Great British power structures. They are being excluded for their own good, so that the country may be rightly ruled by those sufficiently high skilled. Indeed, lowering the bar to just £3m has opened up the field to many more suitable candidates.”

Presumably the next logical step is to sponsor a Lord, and reduce Parliament to a franchise system paid for by the wealthy? 

“Great idea, thank you,” smirked Uffter-Livon. “Cash for questions? No, Money for Members. It’s the way backwards, I mean forwards.” 

Buy a Baron! Roll up, roll up! 

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