COP THAT : WORLD LEADERS are to be rewarded for all the hard work they’ve done lately in talking about climate change by world leading UK world leader Boris Johnson.
“It’s great PR having everyone get together and talk about the need to do something before we all die,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “We’ve scheduled further talks to talk about doing something before we all burn and suffocate in our own inability to put longterm ecological viability over the short term profit of oil producers. There’s nothing to worry about. Climate change is well underway. I mean well in hand. We’re going to make a success of it.”
And to prove how easily it will be to make a success of climate change Mr Johnson is to lead the world in tackling it. Instantly. It will all now just go away.
“He’s going to change the definition of climate change,” the source beams. “It’s worked for the Tory government since coming back to its rightful place as holders of office. We have a problem with unemployment? Simple. Change the definition of unemployment. Same with poverty. The same with pandemic death figures. Anything you like basically. If a word is giving you trouble because it screams reality, just change its definition to point away from reality. Then you can sit back and soak up the profits.”
What the new definition is will also be seen as a further sign of Mr Johnson’s visionary genius. His ability to cut through the knottiest of Gordian knots.
“This is where it gets really clever. It’s easy to do something big about climate change,” the source explains. “You’ll love it. Mr Johnson will mention Alexander the Great. This will show he’s serious because he’s used as classical reference. Then he’ll just change the definition of climate change to weather. It’s a stroke of genius. Everyone knows weather is changeable. Now there is nothing to worry about. We’ve cut through the Gordian knot and can all go back to business as usual.”