PAY TO PLAY : The wealthiest Tory MPs are in for a massive tax return today after completely fabricated reports said that 10 Downing Street is to make donations from foreign billionaires tax deductible.
Ever reliable, anonymous “sources” from inside the Executive began briefing pliant press mouthpieces that “tax efficient” changes were coming in order to “help complete the transformation from a liberal, representative democracy” into a total Kakistocracy.
The need for MPs to enrich themselves however possible while in office is seen as a key plank of post Brexit governance because “you never know when we’ll need to cut and run after trashing and asset stripping old Blighty”.
The tax deductible nature of the donations is also rumoured to include a special “you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours” clause which means both the giver and the receiver can claim it.
“This is a completely democratic change which will see investment and sponsorship pour into Westminster in numbers that dwarf even the deluge from sanctioned oligarchs to Tories post 2010,” the leak asserts. “It’s all part of building back better bank balances while keeping the plebs distracted with frequent threats of war with France over a fish.”
To make the new changes truly inclusive the rebate will be valid regardless of the currency used to make a donation.
“We’ll also be allowing the cash value of gifts such as holidays and dinners to be claimed against an MPs salary,” the leak also reveals. “This means that the Exchequer will be writing cheques for hardworking MPs that more than compensate for the sterling work they’ve done transforming the U.K. food supply chains and water quality.”
The public is expected to play their part by shrugging and going to Spoons for a pint that is now 3p cheaper.