EVIAIN’T : Just when everyone thought the Johnson’s were satisfied with their refurbishment of the 10 Downing Street slum it’s all kicked off again.
“It only goes to prove they’re a normal couple,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “No one ever finishes a refurbishment. There’s always something extra you have to do.”
The something extra in this instance is a complete overhaul of the water supply to the entire address.
“The EU have forced the U.K. government to lower our water quality standards. It is their fault because to continue to have the same high standards would be to bow to Brussels. And no patriotic British subject wants that. So we have to prove our independence by swimming in our own shit. It’s exceptionally Brexit.”
Clearly the nation’s fearless leaders don’t need to do that though. How will they govern if they’re worried about drinking typhus?
“The pipeline from the Evian factory in France will ensure the Johnson’s bathe in world beating water and can focus on the job in hand of turning the U.K. into a joke.”
Critics have attacked the pipeline saying that the public shouldn’t be expected to shell out billions for it at a time of unavoidable austerity.
“That’s where the critics prove how unpatriotic and silly they are,” the source retorted. “The public isn’t paying a penny towards the pipeline. It’s all been paid for by some friendly foreigners who want nothing at all in return. Except perhaps a knighthood or peerage.”