REMEMBER REMEMBER THE 12TH OF DECEMBER : BORIS JOHNSON’S countryciding election victory on the 12th of December 2019 is set to become even more impressive following a new law passed this week.
The new law will rewrite history to “keep it relevant for the challenges of today” and will enable the PM to make changes necessary to properly allow him to move forward.
“The Great Rewriting Act allows the Prime Minister to keep history fresh and vibrant,” a 10 Downing Street source tells LCD Views. “It will also allow Mr Johnson and his cabal to explain to the British people exactly who is to blame for the frankly parlour state of the country.”
The law is thought to take its inspiration from the ingrained habit of Tory MPs to blame the “last Labour government” for any problem afflicting the country, even though they haven’t been in power since 2010.
“When you look at the disaster that was the Brexit negotiations it’s easy to see that if Labour hadn’t now been in power during the discussions it would have gone much better,” the source explains. “Mr Johnson’s Oven Ready Deal was the best of a bad job. Sleepy Starmer, Jobs First Corbyn and the Wrong Miliband Brother have a lot to answer for. If Mr Johnson hadn’t been able to outwit the EU into at least a basic trade deal heaven knows where we would be now.”
Quite how Labour will respond isn’t yet clear, although keen Westminster observers expect a muted response and an effort to be constructive with the latest bout of Tory insanity because “that’s worked so very well since the 24th June 2016” so why change tack now?
“Once the law has proven itself successful it is likely that Labour will find itself responsible for everything that happens right up to yesterday. This will allow the Prime Minister to credibly claim it will be a lovely day tomorrow under his governance. Day after day. Even as the country descends into total calamity under his watch.”