SORRY SEEMS TO BE THE HARDEST WORD: It is well known that the top brass in Westminster regard saying sorry to be a sign of weakness. This erroneous view has now been crystallised in a new Tory directive.
Henceforth, any Conservative MP apologising for anything will be instantly deselected as a party MP. They will be barred from ever seeking reelection. Any prospect of becoming a Lord will vanish. The cushy non-executive directorships of blue chip companies will go to someone more loyal.
The after dinner speeches will never take place. Nobody will be willing to give them a leg up, ever again. Their MP’s pension will mysteriously vanish. If they want to work again, they will have to go down to the Job Centre like the rest of us.
This move is, apparently, part of the drive towards open government, democracy and accountability.
“We are taking our cue from the Great Lady Thatcher,” explained Home Office wonk Anne Tagonist. “La belle dame sans merci. Or, in a proper English language, the beautiful woman who never says thank you. Or please. Or sorry.”
This fits in perfectly with Send ‘Em Home Secretary Priti Patel’s vision of a kind, caring, modern Britain.
“This initiative requires a great deal of planning and unity,” babbled Tagonist. “Part of this needs all MPs to sing from the same hymn sheet. They must all recognise that they are part of a grand plan. So they must support the message, even if they are incapable of seeing the bigger picture. But there can be no tolerance of dissent. Any implication that we might have got something wrong must be punished. Apologies cannot be made under any circumstances. There is no alternative!”
To sum up, if you don’t like it, leave the Conservative party, the old boys network,, the privilege and the gravy train.
There’s nothing to be sorry about.