10 SUN LOUNGE STREET : Welcome reassurance for anxious Brits today after Downing Street confirmed that contingency plans had been drawn up in case another crisis hits the UK while Prime Minister Boris Johnson is away.
Initial speculation had focused on who was actually running the country in the PM’s absence, but that was settled to everyone’s satisfaction by a look at the list of Tory Party MP’s donors. It’s reasonable to assume you don’t pour millions into the pockets of politicians for nothing. Nonetheless there must at least be a show of the traditional structures of UK governance being in place.
“We have the food supply, fuel supply, pandemic, farming, fishing, energy and basic democratic accountability crises ongoing,” a source from 10 Downing Street told LCD Views. “They are all really strong and keeping everyone very busy. But some have asked what would happen if another crisis hits while Mr Johnson is um, ah, working from home in Spain?”
Clearly strong leadership is required to lead a nation which is in perpetual self-generated crisis, but happily Mr Johnson will provide the consistent lead the ship requires.
“The contingency plan is composed of many working parts,” the source explains. “Various Tory MPs will team up with our courtiers in the media to deny any new crisis is occurring at all. That normally buys a few days. Then we’ll admit there is a limited problem before apportioning blame onto the sector we caused the problem to occur in. It’s a well rehearsed playbook now. There’s nothing to worry about. There’s just one extra string added to the bow.”
The extra string concerns the geographical location of the PM himself.
“Whatever the crisis is it will not impact on Mr Johnson. You can be reassured of that. And if it’s really bad he will extend his holiday.”