ALL TALK AND NO ACTION: Tories have gathered together to brainstorm the latest set of empty platitudes. We are getting on with the job, they claim, though which job they mean is by no means certain.
Eager drones were very keen to talk about it, though less keen to share any concrete proposals. “It’s going to be great!” remarked cannon fodder Faye Kingitt. “Obviously I can’t disclose any details, but we are definitely getting on with it, and we really, really mean it this time!”
Other minor MPs were equally effusive, and equally lacking in detail. “It’s about time that we got over the disaster left for us by the last Labour government,” remarked Phil E. Buster, who had at least got all the catchphrases ready. “We are building back better, levelling up, doubling down, in, out, shake it all about. We are getting on with it, working night and day, and we will get it done, have no doubts about that!”
It’s about time. The Tories have had eleven years not getting on with the job and letting things slide. But how do we know that anything will change?
“Change is good, inevitably some will not like it, and there will be bumps in the road,” admitted Kingitt. “But change is essential. That is what Conservative means, after all!”
“There will always be winners and losers,” admitted Buster. “But it is our job to make sure the winners win, and the losers lose, this is why Brexit was necessary, the EU wanted to reverse the natural way of things, make losers win, and so forth, which is not the way we do things in the UK, and we will be getting on with it really, really soon, and we really, really mean it, honest!”
In other news, hell is freezing over tomorrow, at least according to the Daily Express long range forecast.
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