WE DON’T NEED EU REALLY REALLY WE DON’T : The Home Office is to begin a stunning new visa scheme from Monday which will really put egg on the faces of those unpatriotic critics that say Brexit is isolating the UK.
“People who try desperately to link food and fuel shortages to Brexit are going to look pretty bloody silly from tomorrow,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “Priti Patel and her team have knocked it out of the park with the new Food and Fuel Visa scheme.”
The scheme will allow EU citizens to gain temporary access to the UK so long as they bring a donation of food and or fuel and deliver it to a retail outlet.
“Because we have zero customs checks for goods entering the UK there won’t be any problem with standards,” the source celebrates. “We have no standards in Brexitannia. It’s very liberating. This will also do a lot to boost the travel industry who is somewhat weirdly freaked out about the lengths Patel is going to to close Britain off to visitors.”
But patriots worried that the scheme will see EU27 nationals flood the UK again don’t have to worry.
“The Food and Fuel visas are time limited. Just long enough to get the food to a supermarket and piss off back across the Channel. Clearly if you want an extended stay you need to bring petrol too. Anyway caught overstaying will be ejected by catapult out of our sovereign land and across our sovereign waters.”
Still, it won’t be as easy as just swanning up to border control and showing them a baguette or a length of wurst.
“All food and fuel items must be Union Flag packaged or they will be confiscated and the illegal visitor refused entry. We aren’t going to fall into any sneaky Continental traps. Oh no.”
Food and Fuel visas. This is what TAKING BACK CONTROL looks like.