IT’S A LOVELY DAY TOMORROW : THE DEPARTMENT FOR EDUCATION is under new leadership with new ideas and state schools are soon to bear the brunt of it.
In order to align education with media output state schools will have to promote Britishness in as many ways as possible, while also helping to ensure everyone catches the patriotic virus.
“Pretending everything is fine days will help British youth get into the spirit of the new reality,” a source inside the Department told LCD Views. “A range of patriotic British songs will be written to be learned in the place of Maths. Schools will receive funding incentives dependent on how well they promote Mr Johnson’s vision for the country. Traitors schools will be turned into debtors prisons, which will provide valuable early experience of what the long term goal of the government is. Patriotic schools will receive vouchers to spend on flags. We think this will revolutionise education and make everyone ready for the 18th century.”
Pretending everything is fine days will allow whole communities to join in school focused festivities.
“No one will mention food or energy shortages on the days they pretend everything is fine. School meals will be withheld (if there are any) and children will be encouraged to mock eating a banquet in front of wealthier kids so everyone feels like they’re in it together.”
Once the new days are successfully embedded in school routines classes will tour the country in special Union Flag buses to help areas suffering join in.
“Children will be dressed in little black shorts and given Union Flags to wave as they tell that farmer that everything is fine.”
Admitting there are serious problems afflicting the country will be deemed very “un-British” which will become a crime.
“Remember, so long as ministers are happy everything is fine,” the source adds. “Now help your mum find the candles and matches and celebrate the coming blackouts. They won’t be just any old blackouts, they’ll be British blackouts, so everything is fine!”