THE BORROWING OF THE NORTH : The rebranded Department for Levelling up, Housing and Communities has scored its first major triumph today with the successful relocation of one of ‘the North’s’ most famous landmarks.
The landmark in question is of course The Angel. Most people only know it from photos and few can guess where it used to be, except north of Watford, but now all you need to do is take a look at the Palace of Westminster.
The decision to relocate The Angel is rumoured to be that of the new head of the Department for Levelling Up, Michael Gove, who dreamed up the plan while “completely off his tits on a Scottish dancefloor” according to an unnamed source who we would trust as much as we trust Michael Gove.
The actual relocation was done in the “dead of night” so as not to disturb the ferret racing in the area by day.
“Michael was especially concerned not to interrupt the Flat Cap Appreciation Society Annual Beauty Pageant, which is either a real thing in the North or something else that came to him when he was hammered,” a source inside the Department tells LCD Views. “He knows a lot about the North. Not just that it’s grim up there. Now that he is in charge of levelling up they ain’t seen nothing yet. Gove will ensure the harrying by the Normans that everyone is still angry over will seem like a picnic.”
However not everyone is accepting the relocation of Gormley’s famous sculpture at face value.
“It’s a dead cat,” politcalcommentator wrote on Twitter, “it’s to distract us from whatever else they’re doing today.”
But defenders of the move has said, “It can’t be a dead cat as we’ve actually done it. You lot need to get your head around the fact that everything this government does is trolling. They don’t need to invent distractions when they do so much mind bending dumb shit daily.”
Any Northerners who are upset by the decision by the South to take one of their prized assets are asked to write to the Prime Minister personally, especially if you live in a former Red Wall seat.
“He enjoys all the letters. He reads them out to his guests over dinner and they all laugh.”
The Angel of the North will be renamed “The Angel of the South” in a ceremony later this week which will encapsulate what the Johnson government means by “Levelling Up.”