GAS LIT NATION : DOWNING STREET is privately seeking a solution to why it can’t pull the wool over the eyes of those wily Continentals in the same way as a lot of this island’s population.
The ability to hoodwink, con, confuse, rob blind, kill by negligence and serially abuse the UK’s voters has been the secret to Tory success for a long time, the voters just keep coming back for more. But Brexit is showing the UK largely impotent in Europe.
“Eurovision should have been a head’s up I guess,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “But we’ve been so busy with our heads down, noses in the trough we didn’t pay attention to the warnings.”
While the mystery will be solved, because we’re British, and we believe ourselves exceptional, it has come as a shock.
“We have about the worst pandemic death stats on Earth. We are underfunding and selling off all public services, while raising taxes to enrich ourselves and our mates. We’re trashing our trade networks. We’re leaving our health workers at risk not only from the virus, but exhaustion and cranks. The list goes on and on. And we’re still getting away with it. Why? Why aren’t people rioting? Why aren’t all opposition politicians simply joining as one bloc to demand we leave office, day in and day out, until we’re dragged out? Why does the Queen not intervene to stop us? We lied to her face. We’re superhuman super villains at home but useless as tits on a bull abroad. We need to find out why so we can completely trash Europe too.”
While the search for the answer goes on a “steady as she goes” policy will be maintained. This will provide strong and stable government and avoid the sort of chaos the British public has pragmatically avoided in four successive GE’s now, even as everything around them slowly turned to a pot of boiling piss. And we all know who’s pissing in the pot.