Petition begging Boris Johnson not to try and save Xmas again reaches 1M signatures in 30mins

WILL OF THE PEOPLE : DOWNING STREET is said to be in a “dismissive” mood today after a petition targeting the Prime Minister launched and instantly hit one million signatures.

The petition addresses suggestions that Boris Johnson will this week lay out his vision for the months leading up to Christmas this year. And it’s got anyone with a functioning memory terrified.

“Remember last year?” one signatory commented. “He said he was going to save Christmas and then 10’s of 1,000’s of people died avoidably in a resurgent pandemic. Heaven forbid he tries to save Christmas again. Just let it go. Let’s skip it.”

It’s unlikely the petition will be heeded by the executive and some fear it will just encourage Mr Johnson to go further than he plans already.

“The people only get to decide government policy in criminally corrupted referendums,” a 10 Downing Street source commented. “Anything else is none of their business. I would suggest the people who started this petition take it down immediately. The PM is guaranteed to do the opposite, just to show them who’s boss.”

It’s unlikely either side will budge though and the petition is expected to top 10M signatures before the end of the day.

“He gave us pestilence for Christmas last year,” another signatory noticed, “so if he’s going to try and stop the supply chain crisis he created from ruining Christmas this year that means famine. It’s like he’s working through the list of the four horsemen of the apocalypse. He’s a right shite Father Christmas.”

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