UPLIFTING : A minister has defended the planned cut to Universal Credit today by suggesting people aren’t fully “utilising their talents” and instead wasting time which could be put to profitable use.
Talking to the media they said that too many welfare recipients “waste time sleeping” when they could be working.
“There’s plenty of work to be had in the night,” the minister advised, “factory work for starters. And if you have to leave your children unattended, then as long as they’re asleep you don’t need to pay for childcare. But if you want to hire a babysitter than that’s creating employment for someone else. All it will take is a little imagination.”
The minister then went on to suggest that the long and glorious history of Tory MPs being caught with sex workers suggested a ready demand that could be met.
“People can go on the game. Why not? It will be tax free income too. Which will make people feel like they’re a member of the wealthy elite. It’s actually very aspirational.”
But when confronted by an interviewer who said this was a shocking dereliction of the government to care for the welfare of the citizens, the minister was non-plussed.
“Since 2010 we’ve been telling you we really could not give two shits about your quality of life or prospects. You’re there to be milked. You’re the fat of the land. The pandemic has given us the opportunity to make it plain as the nose on my face that we don’t care if you live or die. It’s hardly a stretch to suggest you stop sleeping and sell your bodies to eat? Just how hungry are you? A few hours in the dead of night will easily make up for what is lost to the UC cut and NI increase.”