SUPER SPREADER MAN : The PM who visited a hospital heaving with novel virus patients early on in the pandemic, and famously shook hands with everybody, and later caught the virus, is at it again. He charmed the sick and the dying last year and he can charm you when his latest big red bus of lies tour!
“The Prime Minister has reacted to the weird poll result showing the Tories polling below Labour by going on campaign. Good governance won’t fix this. Pulling Labour into an own goal like last year’s Oven Ready Brexit vote in parliament will,” a 10 Downing Street announced.
“Johnson is going on a charm offensive and the offensive is guaranteed. We just need a slogan. Anyone got one spare? Eager Tory supporters are encouraged to look out for the big red bus painted in lies arriving in their street some day soon. Red Wall voters get your bunting out because the king in the south is coming! And he’s going to tell you the shelves are full, the pandemic is over, UK is stronger than ever and the French are in disarray over Dover customs delays.”
The decision to campaign will allow the PM to avoid the policy crisis he’s created for a few weeks. It’s hoped by the time he gets back to Westminster it will time for October half term and a well earned holiday.
“The polling slump was caused by the pingdemic. Not Afghanistan. Not empty shelves. Not full hospitals. Not the UC cut by billionaires in cabinet. Not the triple lock pension smash by millionaires and billionaires in cabinet. Inherited wealth knows best!”
To govern is to choose. Not a hope in hell of Johnson doing that well. But he can do what he does best. He can shake hands with everybody and tell them they just have to believe. Like the bus.