Downing Street : “Pay rises for truckers will trickle down into economy and offset tax rises”

BILLIONAIRES MARKED SAFE : After days of fevered speculation over how the billions that have been wasted on Track & Trace and dodgy PPE will be paid for an anxious public got their answer. The poorest will pay of course. It’s a Tory government, what else did you expect?

The news was greeted in classic style by the forelock tugging populace too. With Mr Johnson reassured he’s sitting pretty no matter how much he puts the boot into the working classes. It’s reported there were even jubilant scenes and spontaneous street parties as the public heard the news their NI contributions were going up.

“There was bunting. People were doing congas and swinging each other around too. It was mental. Everyone is just so happy that in spite of over 150K dead in the pandemic, including health and social care workers, inheritance wealth isn’t going to be affected. It can just keep on accumulating itself feeding off the masses. Hear that! Ha! There goes another cork of English sparkling wine popping! Boris Johnson has kept his promises to his donors. And they say he can’t be trusted?” one reveller told LCD Views.

But in spite of the joy on the pavements there was also some boring factual information about how hiking the tax on the poorest paid by over 10% to pay for the NHS will impact the broader economy.

“It may take some money out of the economy and funnel it into tax havens,” a Treasury spokesman admitted. “But whatever is lost to the Caymans will be more than offset by the increased wealth of truckers trickling down into the general economy. When you consider how we’ve loosened the requirements for Class One licences, I suspect the nurses may feel a short term pinch in their pockets, before boom times on the motorways will see them sitting pretty.”

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